Sullen

Walking down the gritty streets, Misfortune and Ugliness surrounds me.

I am a piece of the garbage blowing about, along with the rift raft lined up against the fences.

My insides twist with despair. Oh, the decisions I have made, Confliction on my beliefs.

Slowly the memories flow before my eyes,  You voice echos in my head, vivid as so I can almost see the smoke rise as though seeing the heat coming from your mouth. And still after knowing what I know, the mere thought of you knocks down all my defenses.

I can almost see the smoke rise as though seeing the heat coming from your mouth. And still after knowing what I know, the mere thought of you knocks down all my defenses.

I have lost you, or I never had you. I am still confused on whether I am hurt by your betrayal or I am pleased to have the memories with you, Memories of you loving me.

As I walk my body hangs low and slump. Some part of me is missing, What am I lacking?  Was it all Lies?

I say this to myself,  grasping for an excuse for you. A reason to believe just to get me through.

This day mirrors my thoughts, gloomy and dark. A constant moisture shields my tears, City life drowns the sound of my cries.

Sullen. My heart beats never like it did before. The speed from the anticipation of your call, or when I knew it was near for me to see you,  I have never felt again. Moments when our eyes locked, watching you talk, being close to you..

Even remembering these moments makes my heart skip a beat and my eye’s flood with tears, as I know I am no longer waiting for you, no longer grasping all of you, even longing for your call.

The pain stabs my soul.  Emptiness fills my whole body.  My heart is Shallow and hollow. My cries echo within me.

Sullen, Is my face. The color has left me, My eye’s no longer gleam.  My mind constantly drifts in hopes of seeing you again. Passing me by on the street or driving by.

I get lost in wondering if you would remember my face in the crowd, Would your heart flutter? Would a smile curve on your lips or  would your eyes hide their existence?

I am tormented every second. With the loss, the devastation and utter pain of losing you, As I am haunted with the hopes and fear of our reunion.

The cold bites my face,  but I am numb.  I walk aimlessly, dreading the night fall. Darkness surrounding me, highlighting the loneliness I feel.

As this night drags and this hole enlarges, I am swallowed in endless misery.  bouts of hysteria overwhelms me with, but there is not outlet. No release from this term, which was once Love between You and I.

I look at a store window to see my reflection, what I found staring back at me was fading away.

 

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Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes…
Still, I am not making excuses…

My heart is heavy from the damage that was caused..
The emptiness consumes me, every second I dread.

I can’t help but to wonder what would have been, how things would have been different.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time and choose a different path, the path that would have kept me with you till the end.

Damage is powerful. Damage is ruins.
Once there is damage, sometimes it just can’t be fixed.
In just a blink of an eye, I lost you.. Slipping through my fingers like a fish out of water.

I wish for your forgiveness.. I wish I could forgive you.. I wish I could forget everything that has separated us.
Now I know how to walk away, Now I know to wait.. But by now it is too late.. And I just wish I could get a second life. A second chance to build our romance.

Everyone makes mistakes.. No one is perfect. But I feel our love is much greater than this.. Much more powerful.. But after all the time and all the mess that was made I guess the time has come you feel otherwise..

Blissful Paradise…

I am feeling large and in charge as I sit here organizing and studying my new home..

A brand new Start, My Sanctuary.. My Small little paradise involving everything me.

The Aroma of Fresh Clothes and Dinner roasting on the stove gives off a warm vibe.

Your Vibe completes me as harmony wraps around us like silk..

My eyes dance; like pearls scattered about the waters.. I am content now, I can finally say I am at peace. Bliss consumes my thoughts and I am floating on all the possibilities.

Meditation unlocks  the gears to my soul; releasing the tense, Releasing the hatred for those I can’t understand..

Inner peace is one of the greatest gifts in the world. But very vulnerable to self-destruction, remorse, regret, shame and Sin.

It is time for man to realize Paradise isn’t about traveling to far away places exploring the riches of riches.. It isn’t about temptations and  dirty lust..  It is the ability to be with one’s self and can be content in their own skin,  being able to enjoy the pleasures of your senses and letting yourself go.

Light a candle, turn on some music, Make a snack, close your eye’s.. Go deep within.. Study yourself, Your goals, your direction..
Be in tuned with yourself and your surroundings. Be strong enough to say no, and don’t fear losing a friend if they are negative.

Discover Possibilities, Embrace learning something new. separate yourself from the norm. Don’t become a clone. Don’t be something your not.

Always try to make the best of things.. Be thankful for everything coming your way and Make solutions for the things that don’t..

All of this and true contentment will always provide you with peace.. A Blissful Paradise within…

Disbelief

I can’t believe how things in my life changed so dramatically.  It happened so quick,  in a blink of an eye.  My relationship is in shambles and I don’t know what to do..  It is weighing heavy on my heart and it plagues my mind..  I can’t help but to think,  to wonder, l Am I losing you?  Is the life I build and our family no longer mine? I can’t  help loving you right now while I am hurting.  Emptiness fills me, Consuming everything I once enjoyed. 

Fear of Losing you has overtaken my sanity. Rational thoughts don’t occur to me when doubts ramble on within me. I always complained, but without you I wouldn’t change a thing. There is a whole in my heart that can’t be fulfilled. A Void I can’t seem to fill. If only I could see you, touch you and hold your hand, You hold mine back like you used to do way back when. 

I’m in disbelief things are ending this way, I never dreamed out dreams would go down like this. I can’t believe as strong as we were we are ending in such a pathetic way. I thought highly of you, I thought the feeling was mutual. You don’t even want to hear me, be near me I can’t understand what I did so wrong you can’t touch me.

I’m speechless, I’m hurt, I am in Disbelief….