My heart is heavy now.. Like a soldier in battle.
There is a powerful sense of helplessness that consumes me. Like watching a hurricane rushing towards your home and there is no way to stop it.
I am lost. Like I can’t really feel myself out and really reach within me to get my thoughts together. My mind is blank, My attention is like tangled wires.
My Body is weak and exhausted from the daily hustle and bustle of the world. Splitting myself into two, Its like I have the world on my shoulders.
What has gotten me so upset? Is it the fact I wish for you to understand me, Or hear me.. Is it knowing how you really think of me?
I expected you to be the one person in the world that could take pride in me, knowing all my trials and tribulations. You of all people know how my life is. You see first hand what I do and how much I do for everyone around me..
But that means nothing.. You don’t see it.. That hasn’t put any positive impression on you.. You don’t Trust me.
When you love and when you want to do the right thing, you are always trying to make sure everything is ok You would do almost anything to make things right..
But there is a limit.. You can’t change things or do things because you know the whole situation is childish.. How do is adjust things based on an irrational thoughts and accusations??
I can only do my best and prove myself.. I am just hurt that you don’t see any good in me or my actions.. I thought to you I was bigger than that. I lived my life trying to prove myself.. But when it came to you, I thought everything spoke for itself.
Why Am I always the one being made to be the Fool? Am I wrong Being being who I am and Going all out for everyone around me.. I am starting to think so and that scares me..
I don’t want to Change who I am.. I don’t want to turn into an Indian giver.. But at the same time i am stunned you can look me in my eyes and say I haven’t done or provided anything to the table.. That, to me is the ultimate betrayal..