14 Years ago I heard this name in a movie and i instantly fell in love with the name. It is very classic and out of the ordinary yet there is a subtile beauty to it . After so many years past the name drifted from my mind and suddendly i hear the name again and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The Name was so vivid and my heart flickered as it did when i first heard the name when i was 11 years old. I couldn’t believe i had forgotten the name in the first place. 

This name is indeed a special one to me. Just how hearing the name has an effect on me, Also the use of the name will come to me in a way that can not be spoken of. 



In 4 years I will be 30. As I sit back and look at how my life is progressing, I feel content but a deep longing.  A longing for something greater, for my life to have more substance and stability.  But then there is a tinge of rebellion and adventure,   Something devious. 


I woke up restless, yearning for adventure. My Body is aroused with lack of spark, but then my phone rings and I see the name of a man’s company I enjoy. Suddenly I move about swiftly and mind is working acutely. Excitement sends waves up and down my body as i am sure my White Horse will come……

It would be nice to say I like you more than your benefits,

But you will always remain to be my little personal affair,

You enhance me in ways i cant believe i can’t do on my own.

There are times i love to speak my way of the world and debate with einstien, Then there are times when I dread speaking on my numb tongue. 

I hate you in the Morning, Regretting you spent the night.

Then we Makeup at night and never want to part. 

You make me feel like i can leave you forever at anytime,

Like i grown child from his parents, Then I run back to you and hide underground as you shield me away from everything. 

Why do you control my body in ways i can never duplicate in my honor-est state?

The Sex Goddess by tongue, spirit and body.

Sugar my Tongue, Sugar me there

Mojo sends me over the top.

I refuse to stop, But you my friend

Will always be a good memory i shall keep within me.

Something Devious and Crazy,

The only Rebellious me…


I go off the deep end to express myself to you, 

Yet still I the Crazy one, with Wild eyes.

Emotions overwhelm me and I have no release,

Who do I tell? Who do I talk to? You  were nowhere around,

Abandoning and Isolating me with just memories.

There is noting left to me but a skeleton and debris of my loveless woes,

My heart lied. When it gushed for you and assured me to let go and love,

Only I was left with what was and will never be.

Damaged is what I have to be, Damaged has become me.



In a Blink of An eye everything changed. Truth’s were spoken and Love was lost….

I wanted things to be OK. I didn’t believe you had some much animosity towards me nor that it was so strong.  You spoke your words with such abundant hatred. In a blink of an Eye.

Cheap Shots and assumptions plague the facts, and tasteless insults shot back and forth. Our bond was once deep as roots.

Indignant rage and pain fills my soul now. When you cross my Mind, ill feelings engulf my heart sinking it to the bottom pits of my stomach.

I ask myself how did things come to this? I wonder when did it begin? Looking back at the times and the signs , i should have seen it coming a long time ago. But it just goes to show how trust makes you so vulnerable.

The wedge between us is huge and a unnecessary one. But it will be one that will always remain. 2 FACES I can’t recognize.


Starting From Scratch

This is a New year and so much has changed. I am learning new lessons and building myself to be the best person I can be one baby step at a time. I am focusing on my career and  trying to permanently establish myself. One of my biggest goals i would love to achieve before this year is over is to get a car. That is like primary. And from there I want to improve little by little.. I know it is going to be hard and that is the part i have to prepare for. I need to put more energy and drive in the things that i need to do.  I feel stronger in certain area’s and I can see certain area’s I need to work on as well. I don’t want to be brought down and put down, So in a way i am glad I have been in solitude for a minute and just be around my closest allies. I am shelter and able to retreat and construct my next move.